Showtime is dying

Yeah so i know that people such as Justin and Heidi will read this within seconds of me posting it, but i don't give a damn.

I know it has yet to be a week since showtime started, but I have had it. I was having a conversation with dave on msn and he had this to say (which by the way is what started this little grassfire)

"Well, tomorrow is going to full of dramas, i reckon"
"why? whats tomorrow?"
"showtime rehearsal and justins kicking up a stink"
"about? and when?"
"his hatred of painsberry"
"when did he kick up said stink"
"well, since he was given the part on that monday but hes talking to mikey tomoz about it"
"he said on vf that he was ok about it, and that he was going to stay with showtime"
"i havent read that one yet maybe hes over it...hopefully all is well"
"yeah it better, because if it's not i am going to be the one doing some yelling. I am so sick of this shit and it has only been 1 rehearsal"

So i issued the following warning in a vf journal entry:

Note to All:
"I don't want to hear about any bitching that is supposedly going to take place tomorrow*at showtime.

You do not have the right to bitch and whine about things you have no say in.
You have been warned.

*or any time"

To which Justin replied:

"you know what emma, i think that is directed at me and not wanting a fight but since when did you get to tell people when they're allowed to, i'm sure none of us wanted to constantly hear about you and steve EVERY DAY
isn't that the same?

and FYI, i have a right to 'whine' because i'm above all that shit, i don't get two bit parts, i'm a big fish and this is a small pond"

My reply:
"Well you're half right. Its directed at you and Heidi, but not limited to: Mitchell, Zebe, John and Kelly.

And do you know what? The steve and I thing was different, not unlike the you, zebe and mitchell thing, but then again we all had to put up with that didn't we? Showtime relationships is a completely different league to showtime itself and it has nothing to do with the damn journal entry. And it is certainly different to what i am talking about.

What do you mean you're above all that shit? What do you mean you don't get two-bit parts isn't thats why you were going to talk to mikey about getting corey's part? Because you didn't want to play Painsberry? And finally, no wait, i dont give a damn that you think you're a big fish in a small pond, because you should know by now that it doesn't change shit."


Now i am going to explain the situation to non showtimers that may read this (which is pretty much only tara) and to showtimers.


Firstly, As justin has missed it, my journal entry was primarily a note to everybody, not just him.

To begin, lets go back to monday night, parts were given out, and some people were noticeably disappointed in their parts. This led to some journal entries on vf which highlighted their distaste for the show and their thoughts on causing problems and dramas because they didn't get what they wanted.

I was pissed off. I still am pissed off. There is nothing wrong with playing a part in showtime no matter how big or small. Justin doesn't see this because, like his comment suggests, that he thinks he is better than most of the other cast members. Heidi was upset because someone on the direction team apparantly told her she had a part, when she didn't. Now she refers to herself as "deadwood" and a "backrow bitch".

This is utter bullshit. We couldn't accommodate Heidi into our character list (which has something like 34 speaking parts) however that doesn't mean she is not a valued cast member.

I'm not trying to take a dig at either of you, but Heidi is one of the very, very few cast members who are excellent singers, we need her in the chorus for her volume and pitch. Justin is an incredibly good actor, but his singing has (and he knows it) always been fairly average, his character this year has the words, and minimal solos.

But no, both of them can't tear their eyes off theirselves for more than a few minutes to see that showtime isn't about them. Sure they have had big parts in the past (Noteably Emily Grey and Albert Parkes from Boomtown), but every year is a different year and every year rosemary, mikey and nathan have to accomodate up to 80 cast members into chorus or speaking parts.

We all suit various characters, but the point of acting (as kelly as told me time and time again) is to act, be different people. Justin, you can't keep being the dorky saviour of the town/world. Heidi, if we needed a main character that was an opera singer you would be the top of the list.

Just because you are not a main character does not mean that you are not valued as a showtime cast member. You guys seemed to have forgotten that.

And if you're thinking "You can't fucking talk emma, you're always a main character too." Well i would have to very much beg to differ. During boomtown 2004 i was a chorus member, that is, a cast member that has no speaking parts, and is in all the main songs. Worse than that, i was given the title "understudy" to heidi.

Showtime (well at least the years that i have been in) has not before or since had understudys. It was like an insult to me, I, Emma, who played Penelope Wise the year before, was given nothing more than a chorus part and told to learn heidi's lines even though she wasn't going to miss a single show.

But Mikey took me aside at the end of the first rehearsal, when i was so depressed and upset, and he told me how i was valued as a cast member, that it doesn't matter what part you play, as long as you enjoy the experience. So i got back to my newbie roots, learning that you can still have a blast in the chorus and although i was (it was an emergency) cast within 6 weeks of the first show as Smee, I still remember that first rehearsal.

So this is really fucking long and all, and probably boring but i have to say it. Again and Again.

IF you think that it's your god-given right to be a main character in showtime, you have lost the only reason why showtime is worthwhile. There are many people in showtime who have been doing it for years, who never get a main part, but they come back year after year because they enjoy it. Its not about being a main character, its about having fun.

I guess because i have chosen to not be in cast this year it has really opened my eyes. And when i rejoin cast i will be happy just being in showtime again. Right now i can feel exactly how i've changed and matured. And i'm sorry i have had to have this rant but i'm trying to help you guys see things from a different perspective too.

I really hope the first vf journal entry didn't start something massive, because i'm in bendigo and not coming to showtime rehearsal tomorrow (today). And i'm going to finish with something i said to zebe, who i had another conversation related to showtime:

"i won't be back down for a while, its going to kill me, knowing that everyone is together rehearsing showtime, the most best thing on the planet, when i am up in bendigo, being all cold and alone"

Why leave showtime just because you didn't get the part you wanted, or even a part at all? I thought it at the time, i thought it when i read justins journal entry, if you leave for that reason, well thats just not fucking good enough. And for people like Justin and Heidi, they should damn well know better.


And justin, if you want to feel special and have a whole comment to yourself here it is:
You use the lowest, dirtiest, underhanded tactics to insult people. If you were angry with the journal entry all you had to do was say it, it wasnt a direct attack on you, it was a warning to everyone who was going to be at showtime. But you lashed out and had to get to me with the fucking steve comment.
But heres the twist: I might've cared in the past, gotten all upset and tried to defend myself. But i know that it was probably a fucking bore for everyone having to put up with that shit, but i thought you guys did it because you were my friends. I was dissappointed with you on monday night, but you topped it with that comment.